i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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