Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
