Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
