Me. At least after what I've been through.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Randomize
