booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Randomize
