Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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