Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
