literally had 100 drinks last night.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I have already put on my inside pants.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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