Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
