My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
