Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
