well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
