sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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