The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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