my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
