The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Randomize
