Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
