i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
