am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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