Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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