Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
