I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
