I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
