thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
