How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
