My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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