: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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