Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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