I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
