And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
