CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
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