he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
