Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Randomize
