Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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