i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Randomize
