tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
