Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
