I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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