I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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