just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I accidentally had phone sex last night
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Randomize
