Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
