when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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