$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
