Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
