what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
