the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
