Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
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