Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
