i wish my penis had a tongue
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
