he shaved USA in his pubs
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
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