i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
