matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
